The other day I was driving my almost 11 year old daughter to a friend’s birthday party. The windows were down, the sky sunny, and the radio was blaring Lainey Wilson. Everything was almost perfect until I realized my daughter wasn’t singing. My mom-gut knew something was wrong so I grabbed her hand.
She instantly said, “Mom! I’m nervous!”
I was surprised by this as she had been excited about the party for two weeks. She is also very close with the birthday girl and has spent a lot of time at her house over the years. So, nervous was the last thing I expected her to be!
So I asked, “What exactly are you nervous about?”
“I don’t know who all is going to be at the party and I don’t know who to sit with when I get there!” she replied.
Ahhh! The age-old who am I going to sit with scenario! I think we all know what she meant and we’ve all been there before if we are being honest. She wasn’t really worried about who she would sit next to. She was worried about fitting in. Finding her place. Finding acceptance.
Years ago, a friend of mine was at an educational conference and she sent me a picture of a quote with the caption saying: “This made me think of you, friend. Love ya!”
The quote was this:
“If they don’t give you a seat at the table, bring a folding chair” ~Shirley Chisholm
At the time, I remember feeling honored that this quote made her think of me. As women, especially young women, it was not uncommon to NOT have a seat at many tables. Unfortunately, we women still fight for seats in social settings, business board rooms, political round tables, and even religious leadership groups.
I learned early on as a young female to not wait for an invitation. My mindset was that if God gave me the intelligence to have a thought, the experience to back up my thought and the strong passion to make a stand then that was the only invitation I needed! Bringing my own chair to the table was A-OK with me!
But as time has gone on, I feel less inclined to do so. Maybe I’m tired? Maybe I’ve lost my spark? Maybe I’ve lost myself? Or maybe I’ve just had enough experiences of bringing my own chair just to find out I was at the wrong table- sometimes the wrong room, even! Whatever the reasons may be, I know for sure at 42 years old, I no longer have the desire to bring myself to any table that feels forced.
My cousin Katie, the one who inspired this blog, was larger than life when she was here on earth! When she walked into a room, it lit up. People wanted to be around her and she certainly didn’t lack for friends! She was magnetic, simply put.
But even she got nervous about where she was going to sit. I know this for a fact because before every family event, or wedding, or baby shower she would call me or my cousin Nichole. Now you have to understand something about my family. There is ZERO chance we are all going to be on time. One of us will get there on time, but not all of us. And it’s rarely the same one each time. But with that said, Katie was NEVER the one on time.
So like clockwork, right at the start time of whatever event we had, she started calling to sniff out who was there. And whichever one of us was in fact there on time was instructed:
“Save me a seat!”
Then like clockwork, she would call back a second time to clarify:
“I want to sit RIGHT NEXT to you!”
What I wouldn’t give to get those calls today! There is something so beautiful in knowing that she wanted to be right next to us. She never asked where we were sitting. She never asked if the view was good. She never asked what kind of food or dessert was being offered. She never asked what I was wearing. She didn’t care! She wanted to be next to me because I was ME.
There were plenty of times when she had told Nichole and I to shove it just 24 hours prior to one of these events. But even when she was mad, she wanted to be right next to us!
So, now, at 42, I think that is exactly who I want to be. I want to be the seat saver. Not the chair bringer. I don’t want to be at a table made out of poor values just because I can bring my own chair and squeeze in. It’s a hard pass for me these days!
And I think that’s the lesson I’ll teach my baby girl:
Spend time building your chair and your table. Build your table and chairs on the values important to you. Build them on HONESTY, AUTHENTICITY, INTEGRITY, LIGHT and LOVE. And then save as many seats as you can for people who want to be at that kind of table!
In my experience, people will come and go from that table. Heck, I’ve even left my own table of values because I wanted to visit with people whose table of values was less sterdy, less hard, easier, maybe even more fun, more shiney! But those tables lose their shine quickly.
So I also hope she is always willing to hold a seat for those who leave for some time but find their way back. For those who lose their way but return in a respectful manner.
But I also hope that if her table gets accidentally filled with people who turn her table into a table of disrespect, sin, and deceit that she does not hesitate to get right up and build a new table. Even if it means she has to sit alone for a while just saving seats…
I hope she leaves and rebuilds and leaves and rebuilds as many times as she has to in order to keep her table filled with the high value people. I hope her table is filled with people of all walks of life, all nationalities, all colors, all genders, all ages, all personalities as long as their values are solid. I hope her table is filled with seat savers! I hope her table is filled with love!
I know when my day comes to leave this earth, that God is saving me a seat at the best table ever made! I hope my seat is right next to HIM! And I want all of you to know, that He will save a seat for you, too! Right next to me! Simply because you are YOU and you are HIS!
May God bless you, may your tables be full and safe travels, always!
Morgan Rae
